The Funny Firm - Show prep

Delta will continue forbidding the sale of middle seats on its planes until at least May 1st. The airline said it'll keep those seats open on all flights through the end of April. *But where will the put the crying baby? (Paul Dudley)

Harry and Meghan's second child, the fifth grandchild for Prince Charles, will be eighth in line to the throne, just behind Archie and Harry. *And, due to an interesting technicality, host of TV's Access Hollywood, Mario Lopez. (Dave Vincent)

A report claims that using social media can hurt a student's chance to be accepted into college. *Unless the school offers a major in duckface. (Dave Vincent)

Boeing 777 planes are pulled from service at United Airlines after one of its jets suffered an engine failure Saturday. Video showed an engine from the plane losing parts and shooting flames before landing. *Everyone is fine, however passengers did drink every last drop of hard alcohol from the drink cart. (Paul Dudley)

A French nun who is believed to be the world’s second-oldest person at 117, just survived a bout with COVID-19. *She says the highlight of her life was being the lead ref at this year's Super Bowl. (Dave Vincent)

An Oregon man has been arrested for driving with a blood alcohol content of point-seven-seven...more than nine times the legal limit. While there are no official records, the man's blood alcohol content seems to be the highest ever recorded. *The man is now an official cast member of Jersey Shore. (Paul Dudley)

NASA's newest Mars mission sent back photos of the rover landing on the Red Giant. *It was quite smooth, considering the balloons were left over from a rocket scientist's birthday party. (Bill Williams)

A French nun who is believed to be the world’s second-oldest person at 117, just survived a bout with COVID-19 and celebrated her birthday. *You can still get her a gift, but hurry. (Dave Vincent)

Tiger Woods was hospitalized following a car accident on Tuesday morning. Tiger was rescued by L.A. County firefighters at the scene of the crash and was then taken to a hospital. *Police say there is no sign of alcohol, foul play, or a crazed Swedish blonde woman chasing him with a 9 iron. (Paul Dudley)

Fernando Tatis Jr. of MLB's Padres has agreed to a 14-Year, $340M dollar contract extension. *Making Tatis the only person at a Padres' game that'll be able to afford parking, a beer and a hot dog. (Dave Vincent)

New Jersey police can no longer arrest people for possession of small amounts of marijuana. This comes as Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill decriminalizing possession of the drug. However, mobsters still need to use caution. *In New Jersey, it's still a misdemeanor to dump a body in a landfill. (Paul Dudley)

If you drink one glass of water with every alcoholic beverage, you can be drunk without a hangover. *But, if you take jello shots off your nanny's belly with every alcoholic beverage you could be Ben Affleck (Dave Vincent)

Stressage is a common Internet slang term that best describes a text or message that causes you emotional pain and or stress. *Or, as we called in 2021: A text (Dave Cincent)

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