The Funny Firm - Show prep

The FDA is issuing new guidelines on salt in food amid a rise of diet-related illnesses. The agency wants restaurants and food companies to lay off the salt. Salty foods have been linked high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes and kidney failure. *Oh, and delicious french fries. (Paul Dudley)

Coldplay is teaming up with BTS for their new single, My Universe. The song was co-written by Coldplay and the K-Pop superstars, and has lyrics in both English and Korean. *Now they just need to find the one 13 year old girl on the planet who actually likes both BTS and Coldplay. (Paul Dudley)

Ninety-year-old actor William Shatner was was launched into space on Wednesday. The G forces and adrenaline were intense. *The flight was so intense, Shatner will need to have both his C-PAP and his underwear cleaned. (Paul Dudley)

Budweiser is releasing limited edition tall-boy cans for the city of Detroit. The brand is releasing only 500 cans that will be numbered and feature the Detroit skyline, headphones and a record. *Well, you know what they say...if you're going to experience Detroit, you should probably be drunk. (Paul Dudley)

Actress Megan Fox revealed she has body dysmorphia. Don't bother looking that up in Wikipedia. *Just look at Cher. (Bill Williams)

The sixth Jurassic Park movie will be called Jurassic World: Dominion. *Here, I'll use it in a sentence: Why are they making Jurassic World: Dominion? (Dave Vincent)

A new survey finds that Americans check their smart phones an average of 96 times a day, once every ten minutes. The survey also found baby boomers are seven times more likely to text instead of talking with someone in person. *Usually to throw shade on Millennials. (Paul Dudley)

Charred seeds found in an ancient hearth used by hunter-gatherers suggests tobacco was used more than 12-thousand years ago, nine-thousand years earlier than previously thought. The discovery was made by the Far Western Anthropological Research Group in Utah. *The finding was so exciting, all the researchers went out back and smoked a cigarette. (Paul Dudley)

Hiring people with criminal records could be a solution to the labor shortage say big business experts. *Should work, after all, in government we elect people with criminal intentions. (Bill Williams)

Apple's new iPhone 13 is out. *Sorry, but I'm not into it. I found a cheaper way to communicate with friends called...not having any. (Dave Vincent)

A website lets users chat with cats in your area. *It's easy to use. All you need is a computer, Internet access, and a sad life. (Dave Vincent)

The Postal Service is out with its holiday mailing deadlines. Greeting cards and first class packages should be mailed by December 17th for delivery in time for Christmas. Last minute gift-givers have until December 23rd to use Priority Mail. *Holiday deadlines are for people who haven't yet discovered the Dollar Store. (Paul Dudley)

Forbes just printed their richest in the world list of billionaires. Forbes makes me feel so poor. *Then I go to Walmart and stare at the people and feel rich again. (Dave Vincent)

Dairy fat may lower a person's risk of heart disease *That's why I always enjoy a Mr. Softee while i'm on the treadmill. (Paul Dudley)

Mark Wheeler

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